Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
