remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
