All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
