By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
