Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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