your parents love me but you hate me
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
