How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She's the barista slut.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
