i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
