I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
