New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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