btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
What drink are we having for lunch?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
