I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
