Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
