party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
