He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
