apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
