Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
