if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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