I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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