my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
