Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
