Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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