Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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