you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
