I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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