That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I think my moral compass just broke
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
