do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
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I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
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I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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