It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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