Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
