I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
