I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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