my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
