I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
