I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
