WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
