What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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