barbara walters just said penis...
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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