...so i touched it.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Can I color on your dick again?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
