You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
