Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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