Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
