Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
