And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
