I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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