Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
