just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
