im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
MIDGETS
????
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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