You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
im about as happy as oj after his trial
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
