i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
