Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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