I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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