Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
