it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
