I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
