apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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