shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
