So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I see more hoeing in ur future
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
