is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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