Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
