I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
