it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
