you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
