I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
