the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
