somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
