good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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