3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
