I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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