she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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