I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
