I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
