Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
soo... how was my night?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
