Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
