Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
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My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
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