What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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