Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
