no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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