Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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