So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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