God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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