I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
