i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
