didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I want to make a zoo with you.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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